Fate has grabbed Massimo (Michele Morrone) by the face and forced his face into a rancid pie: One moment, he’s spying on a gorgeous woman on the beach with his binoculars, and the next, he takes a bullet in the abdomen after it passed through his father’s chest. He will never forget that day, because five years later, he’s still obsessed with the woman (and maybe misses his old man too). He inherited the family business, a criminal empire that affords him to live in a sprawling castle-villa LUST PALACE. To ask the question no doubt passing through the minds of everyone who’s seen a terrible movie, is he Italian? Does Paulie Walnuts like macaroni and gravy?
The woman is Laura (Anna Maria Sieklucka), a frustrated corporate higher-up who goes home to her lout of a boyfriend and his goddamn camo cargo shorts. She’s so frustrated, she tests the endurance of her battery-operated bedside implements while Lugnuts watches TV in the next room. They leave the next day for a vacation in Sicily (uh oh) for her 29th birthday. They quarrel, she takes off from the hotel and hasn’t the slightest inkling that Massimo spotted her at the airport and had her stalked, drugged and kidnapped back to his chateau where he gives her 365 days to love him, or she can go back to her cruddy, cruddy life in Poland.
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